What Should I Respond When Someone Says, “Mention Not”?

I am going to warn you first. These very formal responses to the statement “Mention Not” require much forethought, and if you use one of these responses in the wrong situation it could lead to a caved in skull, the gum disease gingivitis or a severe fear of plaid.

You have received a warning. Proceed with caution.

Response 1. 
A very low guttural grunt.

Response 2.
I’ve been meaning to tell you how much I enjoyed that book you wrote. That bible is legit! Thanks King James.

Response 3.
Perhaps the moment of egress is near. Woulds’t thee partake in a whipped dairy product with I?

Response 4. 
I told you it was a bad idea to french kiss the corpses of Shakespeare and King James. Now, look at you. You’ve got the Old English Mono. Good thing for you I have received training in blood-letting. Just stay here. I’ll go get my bucket of leeches. It was supposed to be my week off. Thanks a lot.

Last, yet most effective, Response 5.
“And now you have gone too far. Friendship over. Lose my digits.”
Then you are to turn around, very ceremoniously with much arm waving and heel clicking. Walk away never looking back.

Hopefully you choose wisely.

Author: John Edgar


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