Absent From School With Chicken Pox

a short story by john edgar

Dear teacher,

I have been absent because I had a very dangerous disease. I had chicken pots. I know that it was chicken pots because my mom made me eat a whole lot of chicken soup. It was not good. I wish my mom could cook. The doctor said that if I were not malnourished, then I would not have gotten chicken pots as bad as I did.

When the doctor asked mommy if she had ever had chicken pots, she wondered why. The doctor said that it is very dangerous for an adult to get chicken pots. Apparently, if grown people get it, the chickens will scratch their skin off, and they can’t breathe because the eggs get caught in their throat.

The doctor said that I should go home and go to bed, not to go anywhere else. I wanted to go to school, but mommy said no. She said I would kill you if I went to school. I don’t want anyone to die, so I told mommy to take me home. She said she would, but before we went home, she had to go by her friend’s house for a minute.

It was weird though cause her friend wasn’t home. Mommy found a key. It must have been under the brick on the back porch next to the glass. It looks like mommy’s friend had a broken window. Mommy told me that she deserved it. I’m not sure what kind of prize that is. It seems like it would be a last place prize. They are going to need a lot of tape and newspapers. Mommy told me the last part was going to be tough. She said that traditional news sources are dead. The told me that a very important umpa-lumpa told the world. She said it is because this guy said all news is fake now. Remember when you read us that book about fake news. I told mommy it was important to have real news. If we don’t have real news and we only listen to the fake news, then the pigs will walk on two legs and be mean to the horse.

When I started to thinking about mean people, I gotted worried about mommies friend. What if the bad people found the window and came in and tooked her.

Mommy said she would take care of it. I told mommy I need to go home like the doctor said. Mommy said that resting here was just as good as resting there. So she took me up to her friend’s room and told me that I should lay in her bed and make sure to rub my face and my disgusting, nasty chicken death all over the pillow. I laughed cause mommy tells good jokes.

She said she meant it and if I didn’t, I would wish I had mono and a bullet wound to go along with my itchy chicken. I told mommy that got dark really quick and started rubbing my face on the pillow.

The doctor said that I could come back to school tomorrow, but I will be out another day. My mommy’s friend got sick somehow so we are going to go to the funeral. Mommy said I would be the guest of honor.

I know you miss me. Don’t worry. I saved you a scab. I’ll bring it to you Thursday!!! Bye!

Author: John Edgar


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